Author: Siobhan (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Summary: Pre-TPM, non-slash. Mace and Qui get into it with each other once again!
Archive: Please ask me first. Telly you know you can have it!
Feedback: Sure i would love to hear it!!
Disclaimer: No money is being made off this story, i own none of the people, places or things in this story. I have simply borrowed them for a little bit of humor. Star Wars and its universe belong to George Lucas.
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"It was too."
"It was not."
"Too." Dark eyes glared at equally hard blue ones.
"Not." Just a touch of the force sent the word flinging back, hands on hips he accented the mental shove with a tip of his head as though in perfect disbelief.
"It was too."
"Mace shut up. If you had braked when I told you we wouldn't be in this mess." He pointed at the other, his eyebrows raised, why wouldn't the man just agree for once that he was wrong.
"Me! I wasn't the one who directed ME to land on Master Yoda shuttle."
Qui-Gon's mouth fell open at the retort. "What you don't have eyes of your own?"
"Yeah they were keeping a watch on you! What were you thinking grabbing the wheel while I was parking!"
"Oh, so now its all my fault? Well, I wasn't the one who flunked Shuttle Parking !"
"What? You mean you think its not your fault?" Mace stared at the other innocently, his words dripping with sarcasm..
Qui-Gon stood next to the wreck that had once been Master Yodas personnel shuttle the flight vanes just stuck out underneath the hulk of the shipment cruiser that the two Jedi had parked in landing bay 5. They had been asked to pick up supplies that had been left for the temple on one of Coruscants larger moons that doubled as a weigh station. Upon return finding the bay full they had jockeyed for position to land and in their arguing had miscalculated coming down on top of the small vehicle. It was a total.
"I'm calling Master Yoda." Qui-Gon ended the conversation and walked away.
"WHAT!?!?!" Mace raced after the retreating Jedi as he headed for the comm unit on the far wall of the bay. "Oh no you're not," He muttered darkly under his breath. Looking around desperately for anything he could use to stop the other, the dark Jedi grabbed a hydrospanner from a technician and carefully aiming with the force, threw it directly at the comm unit. The device exploded in a shower of sparks and wires.
Qui-Gon quickly stepped backed shielding his eyes from the intense light. He whipped his head around and pinned his friend with a glare.
Mace stood across the bay a cocky smile plastered on his face.
"What were you thinking, you could have killed me!"
"Singeing that long hair of yours is not considered killing you. You could use a hair cut you know."
"This from a man who considers lack of hair stylish!"
The dark Jedi glanced out the exit near him just spying an empty comm unit. "Besides," he yelled back, "Yoda will never believe you if tell him the truth first!" He whirled to his left and charged down the hall.
"Why you son of a Sith!" Qui-Gon ran after his friend, grabbing the corner of the exit to brake himself as he rounded the corner.
Mace had almost reached the comm when a cement planter intercepted his path, force moved from its position alongside the pathway it connected painfully with the front of his lower legs, tumbling him into a heap. He rocked up into a sitting position, hissing under his breath as he held his right knee with one hand. The sound of booted steps sounded behind him and a low chuckle filled the hall. Untangling himself he glared at the other Jedi who walked nonchalantly up to the communication kiosk. Qui-Gon leaned against the booth, arms crossed and smiled sweetly down at the man on the floor.
"You were saying?" He palmed the device and requested to be connected to Master Yoda.
Mace watched him darkly trying to shunt the sting from his skinned up knee. He slowly gained his feet, Qui-Gon half turned towards him to keep him in his sights. The dark Jedi knew he was loosing this fight and desperately looked about the corridor for any help he could find.
The voice of Master Yoda attracted the Jedi Masters attention and he turned away from his fallen friend.
Looking down into the planter that had just tripped him up Mace spotted a Cunjun beetle. A wicked grin crossed his face as he reached for the creature. The large, palm sized bug was a brilliant iridescent blue-green and although harmless they had the nasty habit of spraying an obnoxious smelling substance when they were afraid or harassed.
He carefully picked up the bug between his thumb and forefinger and stealthily moved behind Qui-Gon. The beetle had begun to turn purple a good sign that it was not happy as its legs kicked wildly trying to find purchase and escape. Mace carefully caught at the others collar near his left ear where his hair had swept away from his tunic, leaving him an easy target. As he dropped the beetle down his friend's shirt, the large bug had finally had enough.
"Yes and there is something else that I must discuss with you Ma...." Qui-Gon suddenly arched backward his eyes wide as his hands flew over his head trying to grab the bug now scrabbling around on his back attempting to escape its imprisonment. He sucked his breath in with a gasp that ended as a squeak as he turned around helplessly, wildly trying to fish the intruder out of his clothing, as tiny legs scurrying around on his bare skin.
Half doubled over in laughter Mace watched as Qui-Gon began to strip hurriedly out of his clothing. He heard Master Yoda demanding an answer but was unable to respond because he was laughing too hard.
"Bantha spit." Qui-Gon cursed at him, "You are..." He ripped his outer tunic off, "the most...", hopping from foot to foot he loosened his belt and threw it away from him, "evil, sith bred....". The Jedi's inner tunic was hastily loosened and torn from his shoulders just as the cunjun beetle had decided it had enough. "NO! no no no no!!!! Damn you Mace!" A sickly sweet smell wafted through the corridor, permeating the tunic that dropped to the floor at the Jedi's feet. He stood in the middle of the pathway, stripped to his waist, his eyes glaring, breathing hard holding a very purple cunjun beetle and barely containing his anger. "I ought to..."
"What ought you to do is explain to me what is going on!" The voice of Master Yoda cut off the retort.
Mace on the other hand was now using the comm unit to support himself. Tears tracked down his face as laughter shook his body. He pointed at the angry Jedi, "You shoulda seen yourself!" Trying to breathe, he grasped the edge of the kiosk and pulled himself up straight, turning to addressed the impatient Master on the other end of the communication.
"Master Yoda..." He began, but a small hand waved him off.
"One minute you will wait. A call on another line I have." The image of the elder Jedi disappeared abruptly replaced by the hold symbol which flashed annoyingly.
Mace caught a reflection in the darkened glass of the video screen and turned wide eyed, pressing back against the kiosk, he tried to stop the smile that spread across his face. He spread his hands wide palms out in a placating motion, "Now Qui, it was all fun and games." Scrunching down and back against the comm machine he was trapped.
"Fun and games?" The words were soft and lethal. "Of course my friend, fun and games." A small smile crept onto his face as he advanced on his friend. Mace swallowed hard, but the appearance of the other was enough to make him start laughing again. Qui-Gon's hair had come loose from the catch he used to keep his ponytail out of his face and the strands hung wildly about his face. In one hand he still held the squirming beetle, which he raised up to Maces face, in the other he grasped his inner tunic, reeking from the stench the cunjun beetle had spewed onto it. "Now, whose fault was the shuttle landing?" The question soft and precise was emphasized as he turned the beetle around so its hind quarters were directly in front of Maces huge eyes.
Mace was saved as the viewscreen behind him reverted to the image of Master Yoda once again. Qui-Gon immediately threw the beetle behind his back and stood up straight pulling Mace in front of him to hide himself from the elderly Jedi, his face the perfect picture of calm and innocence.
"Another call I did receive."
"He looks ticked." The words were whispered in Maces ear. The dark Jedi shot a look over his shoulder at the other and nodded imperceptible.
"A cruiser on my shuttle is sitting. Know you anything of this? A transport cruiser I am told. One that you were using. Why on my shuttle is this cargo ship parked?!" The Councilmembers voice had risen several octaves with each question. "And why clothed are you not Qui-Gon?!"
Mace snickered. The reaction was rewarded with a smack to the back of his head causing his forehead to impact with the top of the communication kiosk.
"Ouch!" Rubbing his head and wincing he moved slightly back from the screen and glared over his shoulder. "He knows."
"Cut the communication." Qui-Gon replied softly through a forced smile as he nodded politely at the viewscreen.
The tall Jedi reached around the other touching his fingers to the cancel button, he addressed the screen, "I am sorry Master Yoda this comm unit is not working correctly, we cant hear you there is too much static over this line. We'll contact you later." And he depressed the button, as the image of the angry small Jedi switched to standby mode.
"Cut the communication." He repeated looking at the man standing next to him.
"We are in sooo much trouble."
"No you are."
"Oh no, I am not going down for this alone!"
"YOU landed the transport on Master Yoda's shuttle."
"You told me to." He stopped and stared at the other.
Eyes locked in a test of wills before Mace dissolved into a fit of laughter again. Qui-Gon glared at him, one hand on his hip. "Do you have any idea what you look like?"
A small smile began to stretch on the other lips as his blue eyes softened looking to the ground for his discarded clothing, shaking his head and muttering about friends and enemies planted by the sith. The cunjun beetle scurried over his robe and he aided the bug on its way with the tip of his boot.
Mace gathered up the tossed aside belt and outer tunic as Qui-Gon quickly shrugged into his robe wrapping the expanse of it around his bare upper body. A chuckle escaped him as he looked to his friend who was holding his tunic gingerly between thumb and forefinger. He thrust the outer wear at the laughing Jedi.
"Oh no my friend," Qui-Gon backed away from the offensive article and threw the inner tunic at the other also. "They are yours now. You are cleaning them!"
Mace stared in disbelief holding the clothing as far from his body as he could. Qui-Gons laughter echoed down the hallway as he moved next to his friend and clasped his arm around him steering him towards their apartments. "Oh yes you are!" He answered the question in the others eyes. The kiosk next to them chimed as an incoming call waited to be answered.
They froze midstep, looking from each other to the comm unit they quickly moved off down the hallway.
"Knowing Yoda, it would be him." Qui-Gon looked over his shoulder as they walked off leaving the call unanswered. "We are not getting out of this one."
"No, we aren't."
"But you know watching you do that beetle dance all over the hall half dressed was worth it."
The tall Jedi feinted sharply towards the other causing him to jump aside out of arms reach.
"One of these days Mace."
"Yeah right," a short laugh, "I'll be looking forward to that!"