Category: Short Story, Vignette, Humor
Rating: G - PG
Archive: Jedi Apprentice, Early Years & Quigonfic
Spoilers: None that I can think of
Disclaimer: All recognizable Star Wars characters are the
exclusive property of George Lucas. All others belong to me.
I have no official permission to use these characters, but
I'm not being paid for it either, so that's okay.
Feedback: Yes Please!
Time Frame: 9 years before TMP. Obi-Wan is 16.
Summary: Obi-Wan ends up in jail and tries to explain to Qui-Gon
how exactly he got there. Humor :D
Things bracketed by *'s are *italic*.
Qui-Gon Jinn felt his comlink buzz silently, vibrating
against his belt under his robes. He ignored it. The
whole reason he had it set on silent was because he did not
wish to be interrupted during this crucial meeting the with
the Chu'ba Governors.
It buzzed again. And again. Qui-Gon sighed. Whoever
it was was not going to give up. "I'm sorry your
Excellencies," he apologized, pulling out his comlink.
"Please excuse me for a moment."
The three Governors did not look very pleased,
especially the one that Qui-Gon had just interrupted, but
Qui-Gon grimaced inwardly. Everything seemed to have
gone wrong since he and Obi-Wan had set foot on Dothwyn.
The last thing he wanted to do was further agitate the
already upset diplomats.
"Yes?" he said into the comlink, his voice clipped.
"Master?" Obi-Wan's voice. Hesitant.
Qui-Gon did not swear and that was to his credit.
"Obi-Wan? What's happened?" Qui-Gon knew it couldn't be
anything good. Obi-Wan would never interrupt him this way
unless it was important.
"W-well," Obi-Wan didn't know how in the world to say
this. "I, that is, I didn't want to interrupt you, but
they insisted I call, or they were going to send for
Qui-Gon shook his head, the Governors were stirring
impatiently and the 16-year-old on the other end of the
comlink wasn't making sense. "Who insisted? Obi-Wan I'm
"The police Master," Obi-Wan mumbled it quickly and it
took a moment for the older Jedi to make out what he had
said. "I've been arrested for vehicle theft and-and spice
possession," Obi-Wan plunged uncertainly ahead, realizing
only afterwards that there was probably a better way to
have broken the news.
"YOU WHAT?" Qui-Gon forgot for a moment that he had an
audience. Quickly regaining control of himself he took
several deep breaths, ignoring the blatant stares of the
three Governors and their staff.
"But I'm not guilty!" Obi-Wan quickly added. "It's
all just a big mistake..." his voice trailed off miserably.
Qui-Gon resisted the urge to groan. This whole
blasted mission had been one big mistake from the start.
"Where are?" the big Jedi asked with a sigh.
Qui-Gon saw his Padawan sitting dejectedly on a slide-
out cot in one of the Police Station's small detention
cells. When Obi-Wan felt his Master approach he quickly
rose to his feet.
"Well Obi-Wan, we've been through a lot together, but
this is probably the first time I've had to bail you out of
Jail," Qui-Gon's voice held the faintest twinge of
amusement. He had no doubts about his Padawan's innocence,
but he was sure this was going to be one interesting story.
"I'm sorry this happened Master," Obi-Wan looked down
at his boots. "Are the Governors-"
"Furious," Qui-Gon answered before he'd even finished.
"What happened to your robe?" Qui-Gon asked, noting
that Obi-Wan was no longer in the possession of the long,
dark brown Jedi robe that he had been wearing when they
parted earlier. "And your clothes," he noted what looked
like grease stains on the knees of the apprentice's pants
and there was something pinkish-red on the collar of his
"Its - a long story," Obi-Wan sighed.
"Let's hear it," Qui-Gon said, not at all amused. "I
am quite interested in how in the Sith you got yourself in
here. I thought you were going to return to our rooms to
wait for me." The last statement was more of a question.
"I was, or that is, I did, only..." Obi-Wan ran his
hand through his short hair. Where to start? "You see,
they pulled Jor over because the rear illuminator on his
speeder was out and we-"
"Wait a moment," Qui-Gon held up his hand. "Who is
Jor and what were you doing in his vehicle? I thought you
were taking the public transport back."
"I did, or at least, I tried," Obi-Wan explained; only
somehow, things were not becoming much clearer for the
sorely confused Jedi Master. "You see," Obi-Wan sighed.
"I would like to," Qui-Gon interjected quietly, but
Obi-Wan didn't know what to make of the statement, so he
"What happened was that after we got there and found
out that the Governors would not allow me to attend the
meeting because they considered me too young, I took the
credits you gave me for the transport and waited by the
stop. Only there was this lady ahead of me. She was
pregnant Master, but it turned out she couldn't afford the
fare. I figured that I was more capable of walking to my
destination than she was, so I gave her my credits," Obi-
Qui-Gon nodded. All right, this made sense so far.
He was pleased with the choice Obi-Wan had made at that
juncture. "But that doesn't explain how you ended up here
"I'm getting there," Obi-Wan said, taking another deep
breath. "I was walking back when a speeder stopped and
offered a ride."
"And you took it?" Qui-Gon asked slowly, wondering if
he had brought Obi-Wan up with so little sense as to accept
a bad ride from a stranger on a strange planet.
"No, Master," Obi-Wan shook his head.
"But-" Qui-Gon was confused again.
"It didn't feel right, so I declined, politely," Obi-
Wan explained. "F'iorna wanted to, but I said no, so we-"
"F'iorna?" Qui-Gon interrupted for the dozenth time.
"Yes, F'iorna," Obi-Wan nodded as if the name was
self-explanatory. Then he realized he had left that part
of the story out. "I met her in the Tavern on Dr'u street.
She had had a little too much to drink and she needed
someone to walk her home. We were heading the same
direction so I thought I could make sure she made it all
right. Anyway, so these three men in the car-"
"And what in the name of the Force were you doing in a
Tavern on Dr'u street or anywhere else Padawan?" Qui-Gon
interrupted, an unmistakable edge in his voice. This whole
mess was becoming more complicated by the instant.
"It's not as bad as it sounds Master, really," Obi-Wan
hurriedly assured. "I only stopped in for directions."
"If you were on Dr'u street, you needed directions
Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon remarked dryly. "That's halfway across
the city in the wrong direction. Do we need to work on
your navigational skills, or is there yet more to this
convoluted tale that you haven't told me?"
"No, Master, I mean, yes, Master," Obi-Wan tried to
answer both questions and ended up sounding a little
confused himself. He knew he wasn't exactly going about
this in the best manner, yet somehow, the faster he tried
to explain it all, the more muddled it seemed to get. "You
see, after I gave the pregnant lady my ticket, her daughter
showed up. The girl was only eight, but her uncle had sent
her to the bus stop to join her mother, only she was too
late, and her uncle was long gone about his business. She
lived over in Burundi and couldn't possibly walk home
"So you walked her home as well," Qui-Gon summarized
for the teenager, beginning to get the drift of how this
was going. At least he could not blame the boy for his big
heart, but he knew a certain Padawan who was going to be
teased mightily the next time his Master heard some
complaining word about Qui-Gon's fondness for unexpected
"Yes, Master," Obi-Wan nodded, relived that Qui-Gon
was finally seeming to follow him. "Only once I got there,
I thought that there might be a faster way to get to
Maraboota from Burundi than retracing my way all the way
back to the Embassy first."
"I see," Qui-Gon folded his arms. "So naturally you
decided to stop at a tavern to ask for directions."
"Well, I didn't actually just *decide* to Master,"
Obi-Wan clarified. "It seemed the most practical idea
since it was right below where the little girl lived, so I
was already there."
Qui-Gon ignored the urge to say what he thought about
the idea of an eight-year-old girl living above a bar. The
situation was cloudy enough as it was. He wouldn't muddy
it anymore with observations that had little to do with the
matter at hand.
"Shaleen's Aunt was the proprietress, so I got the
directions from her. That's when I ran into F'iorna."
"And offered to walk *her* home as well. Tell me
Padawan, were you trying to earn a merit badge or did you
just feel like playing Good Samaritan to entire galaxy
today?" Qui-Gon inquired with mock interest.
Obi-Wan colored slightly. "You always say I need to
be more in touch with the Living Force, and be willing be
compassionate when there is a need, Master," he pointed
"Hmm," Qui-Gon stroked his beard. "I'm going to have
to watch what I say to you. You apply it in some very...
interesting ways. Anyway, so after you picked up this girl
in the bar, then what happened?"
"I didn't 'pick up a girl in a bar' Master," Obi-Wan
complained slightly. "Actually," he looked mildly
embarrassed, "You could say, she picked me up. What I mean
is, she kind of followed me out. Um, I think she had other
things in mind, but I convinced her that she should just
let me walk her home..." Obi-Wan struggled to remember
where he had been going with all this originally. "Where
was I Master?"
"You were offered a rather questionable ride. Your
lady friend wanted to accept, but you declined," Qui-Gon
hoped they were finally getting somewhere.
"Oh, yes," Obi-Wan nodded, finding his place once
more. "Well, the three men in the car didn't take too
kindly to being rejected. Um, I think they were more
interested in giving F'iorna a ride than they were me
actually Master. Two of them got out and were being
quite... aggressive." Obi-Wan rubbed his aching back
involuntarily, glancing down at his soiled trouser knees.
"They, ah, shoved me around a little," he said with a touch
of embarrassment. The look in Obi-Wan's eyes said he knew
he could have bested all of them. "I didn't want to start
a fight Master," Obi-Wan said quietly. "F'iorna was not
helpful. She said I could stay if I wanted, but she wanted
to go... I guess I really had no right to stop her, but I
just couldn't let her go, not in her condition..." Obi-Wan
sighed. He knew he had probably butted in where he had no
business and wondered if he was going to be in trouble for
"She said she wasn't going to walk anymore, and was
beginning to insist, then another speeder pulled up. It
turned out to be a friend of F'iorna's who seemed equally
concerned about her welfare, so *he* offered us a ride. He
was alone, F'iorna was already in his speeder and at this
point it was either take it or be left behind with the
three men in the other speeder who were becoming quite
hostile. I didn't sense any evil intent in Jor, so I
accepted. When we got pulled over for the rear-
illuminator, they told us there were too many people in the
speeder and asked Jor for-"
"Too many people? Unless I've missed something there
was only you, Jor and F'iorna," Qui-Gon interjected. "Just
how small was this speeder?"
"It had four seats," Obi-Wan hedged slightly.
"But I thought you said Jor was alone when he picked
you up," Qui-Gon pointed out, wondering what kind of tale
*this* side adventure would turn out to be.
"Well, Jor, um, picked some more young people on the
way," Obi-Wan said quietly.
Qui-Gon got the odd feeling that there was something
more to it than that. "Where did he pick them up Obi-Wan?"
he asked, his blue eyes studying the Padawan intently.
"Um, outside a club," Obi-Wan said vaguely.
"What kind of club? Where?" Qui-Gon was not going to
let him off that easy.
Obi-Wan shuffled his feet. "A - a, uh, gentleman's
club in the Strobe district," Obi-Wan said quickly, a
little too quickly.
"THE STROBE DISTRICT?" Qui-Gon said, none too quietly.
Obi-Wan flushed and suddenly found the floor very
"What pray tell were you doing there, or don't I want
to know?" Qui-Gon put his hands on his hips. "If I
remember rightly no one under 21 is even supposed to be
allowed in that area."
The reputation of the Strobe District was known all
"Please Master, it wasn't *my* choice to be there,"
Obi-Wan said miserably. "Jor said he had another friend to
pick up on the way..."
"Friend or two apparently," Qui-Gon commented.
"Well, that was not exactly planned," Obi-Wan
explained quietly, his eyes still riveted on the floor. "I
do think he only meant to pick up Yoni, but, but," the
young apprentice ran a hand over the back of his neck. He
knew he had better be honest with his Master. The elder
Jedi would find out from the police eventually anyway.
"But the club she was working in was, um, raided at just
about the time we arrived and we ended up with about six of
her fellow... entertainers. It seems there was a question
about their age. That's, um, how Jor got the broken
illuminator," Obi-Wan was almost mumbling now.
"Padawan," Qui-Gon said sternly, but with a hint of
amusement that he could not control. "Do you mean to tell
me that you *ran* from the authorities after picking up a
carload of under-age strip-dancers?"
"*I* didn't Master," Obi-Wan protested uncomfortably.
"But the people you were riding with did, and you went
along," Qui-Gon clarified.
"It all happened rather fast Master," Obi-Wan tried to
explain. "I thought about getting out, but, but this girl
was sitting on my lap and the speed at which the vehicle
was traveling made it hardly a safe idea to attempt
disembarking, even if I could have gotten to the door."
Obi-Wan hoped Qui-Gon did not think he was trying to make
excuses for what happened.
"I see," Qui-Gon sighed. In truth, he was more amused
than upset with his apprentice. It was obvious that Obi-
Wan had not deliberately gotten himself into the mess he
ended up in, although perhaps he needed to consider more
carefully the kinds of people he picked up with.
"So, you are in a speeder with this fellow named Jor, the
inebriated girl you picked up in the bar is in the backseat
and you have a barely-clad dancing girl on your lap," Qui-Gon
summarized dryly. "How do we get from here to being arrested for
vehicle theft and spice possession? I assume your friends
did manage to shake pursuit. Then what happened?"
Obi-Wan's ears burned bright red at the way Qui-Gon
summed it up. It sounded awful, yet that was what
happened... it just sounded so much worse somehow when his
Master said it that way. "Yes, Master," Obi-Wan said
quietly. "Jor did some... interesting driving, and we
managed to, ah, get away. The young lady on my lap was
getting quite... friendly, so I asked them to let me off,
*immediately*, and I would walk the rest of the way, but
that's when we got pulled over for the broken rear
"Wait," Qui-Gon held up his hand. "It is daylight
still Padawan. Why would they pull you over in the middle
of the day for a broken illuminator?"
"We were in the - the Lover's Tunnels at that point,"
Obi-Wan stammered, knowing just how bad that would sound,
given the situation.
Qui-Gon said nothing. He just *looked* at Obi-Wan.
Obi-Wan resisted the urge to shrivel up and die. "I
know how that sounds, but it was perfectly innocent Master,
I swear. That was how Jor lost the police was by ducking
the speeder down there."
"Unfortunately for you all, he lost one set and picked
up another," Qui-Gon observed. "Go on." This was actually
becoming quite interesting, if only he could keep it all
"Well Master, when they pulled us over they said we
had too many people in the car for the number of safety-
restraints," Obi-Wan continued contritely.
"How many, was too many Padawan?" Qui-Gon asked out of
"Well, counting Jor, F'iorna and myself... there was
about nine of us Master."
"In four seats."
"I see. Proceed."
"Well, then they asked for Jor's license..."
"Let me guess," Qui-Gon hazarded. "He didn't have
one. Or at least, not with him."
Obi-Wan blinked, surprised. "Why, yes, you're right.
How did you know?"
"Because nothing has gone right so far, why should it
start now?" Qui-Gon said with a touch of calm irony.
"Well, he had one, but had left it at home, so they
ran a registration check on the vehicle instead. That's
when they came back and placed us all under arrest for
vehicle theft. It appears the speeder was, uh, stolen.
Jor swears it's not his and he doesn't know where it came
from. He claims that he borrowed it from a friend of a
friend of his, I honestly don't know whether that's true or
not," Obi-Wan confided. "But in any case, we all had to
get out and the speeder was searched. That's when they
found the spice in the front compartment. Again, Jor says
it's not his," Obi-Wan shrugged. It was not for him to
judge the truth the matter. The courts would decide that
"And that's when they brought you all down here and
booked you," Qui-Gon finished for the teenager.
"Yes, Master," Obi-Wan hung his head. Somehow he
couldn't see exactly where he had made the first mistake,
but he had to have done something wrong to have ended up in
this mess. No doubt Qui-Gon would be able to give him a
list, he thought miserably.
"So what happened to your robe Padawan?" Qui-Gon
wanted to get all the details of this out before they moved
"Oh," Obi-Wan blushed. "That. I - well, I sort of
gave it to one of the girls..."
"The one who was on your lap, the 'friendly' one?"
Obi-Wan winced. "Yes, Master. I, that is, she..."
Obi-Wan was distinctly embarrassed. "She wasn't, wasn't
wearing... um, much."
"I see," Qui-Gon said calmly for the hundredth time.
"Come Obi-Wan," he said, turning to go. "We should be
leaving before anything *else* has a chance to happen."
"Yes, Master," Obi-Wan nodded, following Qui-Gon out
with shuffling steps.
As they passed another one of the holding cells on the
way out, whistles and playful cries of "Hey Obi!" drew the
two Jedi's attention.
Obi-Wan wished he could sink into the ground. Six
scantily clad teenage girls wearing far too much makeup and
not much else hung on the bars, winking, whistling and
blowing kisses at him.
One of them, Qui-Gon noticed, had Obi-Wan's robe
draped almost over her tanned, slim shoulders. Her
lipstick matched the pinky-red stains on Obi-Wan's collar
Qui-Gon raised an eyebrow. Because he knew his
apprentice well enough to know that Obi-Wan was every inch
the proper gentlemen; the Jedi Master could find it amusing
to imagine his poor Padawan packed into a speeder with six
simpering club-girls, one of whom had obviously tried to
make-out with him.
Obi-Wan flushed all the way up to the roots of his
hair and hurried past.
Once outside, and on their way back to their rooms
again at last, Obi-Wan ventured a hesitant glance in Qui-
"Master?" he said softly. "I'm sorry I caused so much
trouble. I know it's hard to believe, but I really wasn't
trying to make mischief."
"I know, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon said, and to Obi-Wan's
relief, his Master's voice held no edge of reprove. "I
wouldn't go so far as to say that you *caused* all this
trouble either," the Jedi Master shook his head. "It
seemed to me is if you were, ah, more along for the ride,"
Qui-Gon's eyes twinkled at his joke and Obi-Wan grinned
He couldn't believe that Qui-Gon really wasn't mad at
him. "Then - then you're not upset with me Master?" the
young man asked hopefully.
Qui-Gon shook his head. "Your heart was in the right
place Padawan, even if it seems that you turned your brain
off at points," he rebuffed mildly. "Sometimes these
things happen. Sometimes there are days when nothing goes
right," Qui-Gon shook his head. "Sometimes there are
*missions* where nothing goes right," he added with a half-
smile. "But no permanent harm is done," Qui-Gon shrugged.
"And since your antics have bought me the rest of the day
off from having to negotiate with those... Governors," Qui-
Gon said, his tone betraying just exactly how fond of them
"We can endeavor to do something to redeem this
rather... interesting day."
"What would that be Master?" Obi-Wan asked, expecting
extra exercises and meditations.
"Hmm," Qui-Gon said thoughtfully. There was a funny
smile on his face and Obi-Wan cringed in inward
anticipation, wondering what his Master was cooking up for
"I hear that there is an excellent little Creamed Ice
shop about three streets down. I think we might avail
ourselves of a little refreshment and see if we can salvage
something enjoyable out of this mission," Qui-Gon grinned
at Obi-Wan, his eyes sparkling with merry mischief. "Would
you like that Obi-Wan?"
A wide grin spread across Obi-Wan's face. "Yes,
Master! That sounds like a very good idea indeed," he said
seriously, but with an enormous smile.
"Come on trouble-maker," Qui-Gon wrapped his arm
around his apprentice's shoulders and gave him a quick
squeeze. He was enjoying his Padawan's delighted shock at
the unexpected treat when he obviously expected to be
"You see Obi-Wan, I am a human being after all," the
big Jedi teased as they ate their creamed ice at an outdoor
table under a striped umbrella. "Just promise me one thing
Padawan," Qui-Gon said.
"What?" Obi-Wan asked, licking his Creamed Ice off of
the pointy-ended cone in his hand.
"Promise me that the next time you give up your seat
to a pregnant lady, you will *walk* back, *alone*."
"I promise Master!" Obi-Wan laughed. "I promise!"