Title: Misfortune

By: Cassia

Email: cassia_a@hotmail.com

Category: Short Story, Vignette, Humor

Rating:  G - PG

Archive: Jedi Apprentice, Early Years & Quigonfic

Spoilers: None that I can think of

Disclaimer: All recognizable Star Wars characters are the

exclusive property of George Lucas.  All others belong to me.

I have no official permission to use these characters, but

I'm not being paid for it either, so that's okay.

Feedback:  Yes Please! 

Time Frame: 9 years before TMP.  Obi-Wan is 16.


Summary: Obi-Wan ends up in jail and tries to explain to Qui-Gon

how exactly he got there.  Humor :D


Things bracketed by *'s are *italic*.






Qui-Gon Jinn felt his comlink buzz silently, vibrating

against his belt under his robes.  He ignored it.  The

whole reason he had it set on silent was because he did not

wish to be interrupted during this crucial meeting the with

the Chu'ba Governors. 


It buzzed again.  And again.  Qui-Gon sighed.  Whoever

it was was not going to give up.  "I'm sorry your

Excellencies," he apologized, pulling out his comlink. 

"Please excuse me for a moment."


The three Governors did not look very pleased,

especially the one that Qui-Gon had just interrupted, but

they complied.


Qui-Gon grimaced inwardly.  Everything seemed to have

gone wrong since he and Obi-Wan had set foot on Dothwyn. 

The last thing he wanted to do was further agitate the

already upset diplomats.


"Yes?" he said into the comlink, his voice clipped.

"Master?" Obi-Wan's voice.  Hesitant.


Qui-Gon did not swear and that was to his credit. 

"Obi-Wan?  What's happened?" Qui-Gon knew it couldn't be

anything good.  Obi-Wan would never interrupt him this way

unless it was important.


"W-well," Obi-Wan didn't know how in the world to say

this.  "I, that is, I didn't want to interrupt you, but

they insisted I call, or they were going to send for



Qui-Gon shook his head, the Governors were stirring

impatiently and the 16-year-old on the other end of the

comlink wasn't making sense.  "Who insisted?  Obi-Wan I'm

very busy..."


"The police Master," Obi-Wan mumbled it quickly and it

took a moment for the older Jedi to make out what he had

said.  "I've been arrested for vehicle theft and-and spice

possession," Obi-Wan plunged uncertainly ahead, realizing

only afterwards that there was probably a better way to

have broken the news. 


"YOU WHAT?" Qui-Gon forgot for a moment that he had an

audience.  Quickly regaining control of himself he took

several deep breaths, ignoring the blatant stares of the

three Governors and their staff.


"But I'm not guilty!" Obi-Wan quickly added.  "It's

all just a big mistake..." his voice trailed off miserably.


Qui-Gon resisted the urge to groan.  This whole

blasted mission had been one big mistake from the start. 

"Where are?" the big Jedi asked with a sigh.




Qui-Gon saw his Padawan sitting dejectedly on a slide-

out cot in one of the Police Station's small detention

cells.  When Obi-Wan felt his Master approach he quickly

rose to his feet. 


"Well Obi-Wan, we've been through a lot together, but

this is probably the first time I've had to bail you out of

Jail," Qui-Gon's voice held the faintest twinge of

amusement.  He had no doubts about his Padawan's innocence,

but he was sure this was going to be one interesting story.


"I'm sorry this happened Master," Obi-Wan looked down

at his boots.  "Are the Governors-"


"Furious," Qui-Gon answered before he'd even finished.

Obi-Wan winced.


"What happened to your robe?" Qui-Gon asked, noting

that Obi-Wan was no longer in the possession of the long,

dark brown Jedi robe that he had been wearing when they

parted earlier.  "And your clothes," he noted what looked

like grease stains on the knees of the apprentice's pants

and there was something pinkish-red on the collar of his



"Its - a long story," Obi-Wan sighed.  


"Let's hear it," Qui-Gon said, not at all amused.  "I

am quite interested in how in the Sith you got yourself in

here.  I thought you were going to return to our rooms to

wait for me."  The last statement was more of a question.


"I was, or that is, I did, only..." Obi-Wan ran his

hand through his short hair.  Where to start?  "You see,

they pulled Jor over because the rear illuminator on his

speeder was out and we-"


"Wait a moment," Qui-Gon held up his hand.  "Who is

Jor and what were you doing in his vehicle?  I thought you

were taking the public transport back."


"I did, or at least, I tried," Obi-Wan explained; only

somehow, things were not becoming much clearer for the

sorely confused Jedi Master.  "You see," Obi-Wan sighed.


"I would like to," Qui-Gon interjected quietly, but

Obi-Wan didn't know what to make of the statement, so he

ignored it.


"What happened was that after we got there and found

out that the Governors would not allow me to attend the

meeting because they considered me too young, I took the

credits you gave me for the transport and waited by the

stop.  Only there was this lady ahead of me.  She was

pregnant Master, but it turned out she couldn't afford the

fare.  I figured that I was more capable of walking to my

destination than she was, so I gave her my credits," Obi-

Wan continued.


Qui-Gon nodded.  All right, this made sense so far. 

He was pleased with the choice Obi-Wan had made at that

juncture.  "But that doesn't explain how you ended up here



"I'm getting there," Obi-Wan said, taking another deep

breath.  "I was walking back when a speeder stopped and

offered a ride."


"And you took it?" Qui-Gon asked slowly, wondering if

he had brought Obi-Wan up with so little sense as to accept

a bad ride from a stranger on a strange planet. 


"No, Master," Obi-Wan shook his head. 


"But-" Qui-Gon was confused again.


"It didn't feel right, so I declined, politely," Obi-

Wan explained.  "F'iorna wanted to, but I said no, so we-"


"F'iorna?" Qui-Gon interrupted for the dozenth time. 


"Yes, F'iorna," Obi-Wan nodded as if the name was

self-explanatory.  Then he realized he had left that part

of the story out.  "I met her in the Tavern on Dr'u street. 

She had had a little too much to drink and she needed

someone to walk her home.  We were heading the same

direction so I thought I could make sure she made it all

right.  Anyway, so these three men in the car-"


"And what in the name of the Force were you doing in a

Tavern on Dr'u street or anywhere else Padawan?" Qui-Gon

interrupted, an unmistakable edge in his voice.  This whole

mess was becoming more complicated by the instant.


"It's not as bad as it sounds Master, really," Obi-Wan

hurriedly assured.  "I only stopped in for directions."


"If you were on Dr'u street, you needed directions

Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon remarked dryly.  "That's halfway across

the city in the wrong direction.  Do we need to work on

your navigational skills, or is there yet more to this

convoluted tale that you haven't told me?"


"No, Master, I mean, yes, Master," Obi-Wan tried to

answer both questions and ended up sounding a little

confused himself.  He knew he wasn't exactly going about

this in the best manner, yet somehow, the faster he tried

to explain it all, the more muddled it seemed to get.  "You

see, after I gave the pregnant lady my ticket, her daughter

showed up.  The girl was only eight, but her uncle had sent

her to the bus stop to join her mother, only she was too

late, and her uncle was long gone about his business.  She

lived over in Burundi and couldn't possibly walk home



"So you walked her home as well," Qui-Gon summarized

for the teenager, beginning to get the drift of how this

was going.  At least he could not blame the boy for his big

heart, but he knew a certain Padawan who was going to be

teased mightily the next time his Master heard some

complaining word about Qui-Gon's fondness for unexpected



"Yes, Master," Obi-Wan nodded, relived that Qui-Gon

was finally seeming to follow him.  "Only once I got there,

I thought that there might be a faster way to get to

Maraboota from Burundi than retracing my way all the way

back to the Embassy first."


"I see," Qui-Gon folded his arms.  "So naturally you

decided to stop at a tavern to ask for directions."


"Well, I didn't actually just *decide* to Master,"

Obi-Wan clarified.  "It seemed the most practical idea

since it was right below where the little girl lived, so I

was already there."


Qui-Gon ignored the urge to say what he thought about

the idea of an eight-year-old girl living above a bar.  The

situation was cloudy enough as it was.  He wouldn't muddy

it anymore with observations that had little to do with the

matter at hand. 


"Shaleen's Aunt was the proprietress, so I got the

directions from her.  That's when I ran into F'iorna."


"And offered to walk *her* home as well.  Tell me

Padawan, were you trying to earn a merit badge or did you

just feel like playing Good Samaritan to entire galaxy

today?" Qui-Gon inquired with mock interest.


Obi-Wan colored slightly.  "You always say I need to

be more in touch with the Living Force, and be willing be

compassionate when there is a need, Master," he pointed



"Hmm," Qui-Gon stroked his beard.  "I'm going to have

to watch what I say to you.  You apply it in some very...

interesting ways.  Anyway, so after you picked up this girl

in the bar, then what happened?"


"I didn't 'pick up a girl in a bar' Master," Obi-Wan

complained slightly.  "Actually," he looked mildly

embarrassed, "You could say, she picked me up.  What I mean

is, she kind of followed me out.  Um, I think she had other

things in mind, but I convinced her that she should just

let me walk her home..." Obi-Wan struggled to remember

where he had been going with all this originally.  "Where

was I Master?"


"You were offered a rather questionable ride.  Your

lady friend wanted to accept, but you declined," Qui-Gon

hoped they were finally getting somewhere.


"Oh, yes," Obi-Wan nodded, finding his place once

more.  "Well, the three men in the car didn't take too

kindly to being rejected.  Um, I think they were more

interested in giving F'iorna a ride than they were me

actually Master.  Two of them got out and were being

quite... aggressive."  Obi-Wan rubbed his aching back

involuntarily, glancing down at his soiled trouser knees. 


"They, ah, shoved me around a little," he said with a touch

of embarrassment.  The look in Obi-Wan's eyes said he knew

he could have bested all of them.  "I didn't want to start

a fight Master," Obi-Wan said quietly.  "F'iorna was not

helpful.  She said I could stay if I wanted, but she wanted

to go... I guess I really had no right to stop her, but I

just couldn't let her go, not in her condition..." Obi-Wan

sighed.  He knew he had probably butted in where he had no

business and wondered if he was going to be in trouble for



"She said she wasn't going to walk anymore, and was

beginning to insist, then another speeder pulled up.  It

turned out to be a friend of F'iorna's who seemed equally

concerned about her welfare, so *he* offered us a ride.  He

was alone, F'iorna was already in his speeder and at this

point it was either take it or be left behind with the

three men in the other speeder who were becoming quite

hostile.  I didn't sense any evil intent in Jor, so I

accepted.  When we got pulled over for the rear-

illuminator, they told us there were too many people in the

speeder and asked Jor for-"


"Too many people?  Unless I've missed something there

was only you, Jor and F'iorna," Qui-Gon interjected.  "Just

how small was this speeder?"


"It had four seats," Obi-Wan hedged slightly.


"But I thought you said Jor was alone when he picked

you up," Qui-Gon pointed out, wondering what kind of tale

*this* side adventure would turn out to be. 


"Well, Jor, um, picked some more young people on the

way," Obi-Wan said quietly.


Qui-Gon got the odd feeling that there was something

more to it than that.  "Where did he pick them up Obi-Wan?"

he asked, his blue eyes studying the Padawan intently.


"Um, outside a club," Obi-Wan said vaguely. 


"What kind of club?  Where?" Qui-Gon was not going to

let him off that easy.


Obi-Wan shuffled his feet.  "A - a, uh, gentleman's

club in the Strobe district," Obi-Wan said quickly, a

little too quickly.


"THE STROBE DISTRICT?" Qui-Gon said, none too quietly. 


Obi-Wan flushed and suddenly found the floor very

interesting looking. 


"What pray tell were you doing there, or don't I want

to know?" Qui-Gon put his hands on his hips.  "If I

remember rightly no one under 21 is even supposed to be

allowed in that area."


The reputation of the Strobe District was known all

over Chu'ba. 


"Please Master, it wasn't *my* choice to be there,"

Obi-Wan said miserably.  "Jor said he had another friend to

pick up on the way..."


"Friend or two apparently," Qui-Gon commented.


"Well, that was not exactly planned," Obi-Wan

explained quietly, his eyes still riveted on the floor.  "I

do think he only meant to pick up Yoni, but, but," the

young apprentice ran a hand over the back of his neck.  He

knew he had better be honest with his Master.  The elder

Jedi would find out from the police eventually anyway. 


"But the club she was working in was, um, raided at just

about the time we arrived and we ended up with about six of

her fellow... entertainers.  It seems there was a question

about their age.  That's, um, how Jor got the broken

illuminator," Obi-Wan was almost mumbling now.


"Padawan," Qui-Gon said sternly, but with a hint of

amusement that he could not control.  "Do you mean to tell

me that you *ran* from the authorities after picking up a

carload of under-age strip-dancers?"


"*I* didn't Master," Obi-Wan protested uncomfortably. 


"But the people you were riding with did, and you went

along," Qui-Gon clarified.


"It all happened rather fast Master," Obi-Wan tried to

explain.  "I thought about getting out, but, but this girl

was sitting on my lap and the speed at which the vehicle

was traveling made it hardly a safe idea to attempt

disembarking, even if I could have gotten to the door." 

Obi-Wan hoped Qui-Gon did not think he was trying to make

excuses for what happened. 


"I see," Qui-Gon sighed.  In truth, he was more amused

than upset with his apprentice.  It was obvious that Obi-

Wan had not deliberately gotten himself into the mess he

ended up in, although perhaps he needed to consider more

carefully the kinds of people he picked up with. 


"So, you are in a speeder with this fellow named Jor, the

inebriated girl you picked up in the bar is in the backseat

and you have a barely-clad dancing girl on your lap," Qui-Gon

summarized dryly.  "How do we get from here to being arrested for

vehicle theft and spice possession?  I assume your friends

did manage to shake pursuit.  Then what happened?"


Obi-Wan's ears burned bright red at the way Qui-Gon

summed it up.  It sounded awful, yet that was what

happened... it just sounded so much worse somehow when his

Master said it that way.  "Yes, Master," Obi-Wan said

quietly.  "Jor did some... interesting driving, and we

managed to, ah, get away.  The young lady on my lap was

getting quite... friendly, so I asked them to let me off,

*immediately*, and I would walk the rest of the way, but

that's when we got pulled over for the broken rear



"Wait," Qui-Gon held up his hand.  "It is daylight

still Padawan.  Why would they pull you over in the middle

of the day for a broken illuminator?"


"We were in the - the Lover's Tunnels at that point,"

Obi-Wan stammered, knowing just how bad that would sound,

given the situation.


Qui-Gon said nothing.  He just *looked* at Obi-Wan. 


Obi-Wan resisted the urge to shrivel up and die.  "I

know how that sounds, but it was perfectly innocent Master,

I swear.  That was how Jor lost the police was by ducking

the speeder down there."


"Unfortunately for you all, he lost one set and picked

up another," Qui-Gon observed.  "Go on."  This was actually

becoming quite interesting, if only he could keep it all



"Well Master, when they pulled us over they said we

had too many people in the car for the number of safety-

restraints," Obi-Wan continued contritely. 


"How many, was too many Padawan?" Qui-Gon asked out of

mild curiosity. 


"Well, counting Jor, F'iorna and myself... there was

about nine of us Master."


"In four seats."


"Yes, Master."


"I see.  Proceed."


"Well, then they asked for Jor's license..."


"Let me guess," Qui-Gon hazarded.  "He didn't have

one.  Or at least, not with him."


Obi-Wan blinked, surprised.  "Why, yes, you're right. 

How did you know?"


"Because nothing has gone right so far, why should it

start now?" Qui-Gon said with a touch of calm irony.


"Well, he had one, but had left it at home, so they

ran a registration check on the vehicle instead.  That's

when they came back and placed us all under arrest for

vehicle theft.  It appears the speeder was, uh, stolen. 

Jor swears it's not his and he doesn't know where it came

from.  He claims that he borrowed it from a friend of a

friend of his, I honestly don't know whether that's true or

not," Obi-Wan confided.  "But in any case, we all had to

get out and the speeder was searched.  That's when they

found the spice in the front compartment.  Again, Jor says

it's not his," Obi-Wan shrugged.  It was not for him to

judge the truth the matter.  The courts would decide that



"And that's when they brought you all down here and

booked you," Qui-Gon finished for the teenager.


"Yes, Master," Obi-Wan hung his head.  Somehow he

couldn't see exactly where he had made the first mistake,

but he had to have done something wrong to have ended up in

this mess.  No doubt Qui-Gon would be able to give him a

list, he thought miserably. 


 "So what happened to your robe Padawan?" Qui-Gon

wanted to get all the details of this out before they moved



"Oh," Obi-Wan blushed.  "That.  I - well, I sort of

gave it to one of the girls..."


"The one who was on your lap, the 'friendly' one?"


Obi-Wan winced.  "Yes, Master.  I, that is, she..."

Obi-Wan was distinctly embarrassed.  "She wasn't, wasn't

wearing... um, much."


"I see," Qui-Gon said calmly for the hundredth time. 

"Come Obi-Wan," he said, turning to go.  "We should be

leaving before anything *else* has a chance to happen."


"Yes, Master," Obi-Wan nodded, following Qui-Gon out

with shuffling steps. 


As they passed another one of the holding cells on the

way out, whistles and playful cries of "Hey Obi!" drew the

two Jedi's attention.


Obi-Wan wished he could sink into the ground.  Six

scantily clad teenage girls wearing far too much makeup and

not much else hung on the bars, winking, whistling and

blowing kisses at him. 


One of them, Qui-Gon noticed, had Obi-Wan's robe

draped almost over her tanned, slim shoulders.  Her

lipstick matched the pinky-red stains on Obi-Wan's collar

as well. 


Qui-Gon raised an eyebrow.  Because he knew his

apprentice well enough to know that Obi-Wan was every inch

the proper gentlemen; the Jedi Master could find it amusing

to imagine his poor Padawan packed into a speeder with six

simpering club-girls, one of whom had obviously tried to

make-out with him. 


Obi-Wan flushed all the way up to the roots of his

hair and hurried past.


Once outside, and on their way back to their rooms

again at last, Obi-Wan ventured a hesitant glance in Qui-

Gon's direction.

"Master?" he said softly.  "I'm sorry I caused so much

trouble.  I know it's hard to believe, but I really wasn't

trying to make mischief."


"I know, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon said, and to Obi-Wan's

relief, his Master's voice held no edge of reprove.  "I

wouldn't go so far as to say that you *caused* all this

trouble either," the Jedi Master shook his head.  "It

seemed to me is if you were, ah, more along for the ride,"

Qui-Gon's eyes twinkled at his joke and Obi-Wan grinned

back hesitantly. 


He couldn't believe that Qui-Gon really wasn't mad at

him.  "Then - then you're not upset with me Master?" the

young man asked hopefully.


Qui-Gon shook his head.  "Your heart was in the right

place Padawan, even if it seems that you turned your brain

off at points," he rebuffed mildly.  "Sometimes these

things happen.  Sometimes there are days when nothing goes

right," Qui-Gon shook his head.  "Sometimes there are

*missions* where nothing goes right," he added with a half-

smile.  "But no permanent harm is done," Qui-Gon shrugged. 

"And since your antics have bought me the rest of the day

off from having to negotiate with those... Governors," Qui-

Gon said, his tone betraying just exactly how fond of them

he was. 

"We can endeavor to do something to redeem this

rather... interesting day."


"What would that be Master?" Obi-Wan asked, expecting

extra exercises and meditations. 


"Hmm," Qui-Gon said thoughtfully.  There was a funny

smile on his face and Obi-Wan cringed in inward

anticipation, wondering what his Master was cooking up for



"I hear that there is an excellent little Creamed Ice

shop about three streets down.  I think we might avail

ourselves of a little refreshment and see if we can salvage

something enjoyable out of this mission," Qui-Gon grinned

at Obi-Wan, his eyes sparkling with merry mischief.  "Would

you like that Obi-Wan?"


A wide grin spread across Obi-Wan's face.  "Yes,

Master!  That sounds like a very good idea indeed," he said

seriously, but with an enormous smile. 


"Come on trouble-maker," Qui-Gon wrapped his arm

around his apprentice's shoulders and gave him a quick

squeeze.  He was enjoying his Padawan's delighted shock at

the unexpected treat when he obviously expected to be



"You see Obi-Wan, I am a human being after all," the

big Jedi teased as they ate their creamed ice at an outdoor

table under a striped umbrella.  "Just promise me one thing

Padawan," Qui-Gon said.


"What?" Obi-Wan asked, licking his Creamed Ice off of

the pointy-ended cone in his hand. 


"Promise me that the next time you give up your seat

to a pregnant lady, you will *walk* back, *alone*."


"I promise Master!"  Obi-Wan laughed.  "I promise!"



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